You know what is not fun? Getting all dressed up for a date and instead you realise you are out to dinner with a bad… bad joke. After several dates and consecutive eye rolls I feel it is my duty to help the general public with some (hopefully) helpful advice. Who am I kidding; this is just a list of things that make me wish every restaurant had an ejector seat button.
- Do not show up like you just rolled out of bed. If I had to wax, shower, do my nails, put make up on, wear heels and spend three hours complaining that I have no clothes the least you could do is not look like a street person.
- Do not order my meal without asking me first. Why would I eat calamari if I could choose the risotto? Also wouldn’t it be funny if I was allergic to something and we ended up in the emergency room? No, no it would not.
- Do not complain and then mope about silly things (Instead write a blog about it a few months later :P). Why ruin the date because you feel the parking is too expensive or mope because they have no soy for your latte. Can you hear that? I can…it’s the sound of me dying a slow death from the cancer that is your whining.
- Do not spend the night answering your phone or checking your messages. Unless you are Batman I don’t think the city needs you right now.
- Do not transform a pleasant conversation into an uncomfortable argument over facts and figures. You will only accomplish two things, 1) you will make me feel like you think I am stupid. 2) if you happen to be wrong, now I will know you’re stupid .
- Do not be late, especially on a first date. I wasn’t grey before our first date, remember that? The day I lost a few years freaking out whether or not you were going to show up.
- Do not be rude to the waitress or ticket guy or valet or anyone else. Yes I know you are being incredibly lovely to me but I can also see that you are being horrible to other people and that is not cool, not cool at all.
- Do not be gross, verbalising your perverted thoughts does not make me want to skip dessert and undress in the car, it makes me want to pull out my pepper spray and rape whistle.
Please do be funny, polite, be interested in my life, be happy, talk about your passion, open the door for me, pull out my chair, tell me about yourself and be nice to others. Do these things and you will earn a smile from me and several more dates.
Share your big ‘Do not’ in the comment section below.
Yours, The forever hopeful xox