Written by, Colin Nicholson.
I’ve have a mother, a pair of grandmothers, a couple of sisters, and an ex-girlfriend or four, two female housemates a good handful of lady friends – and still no freaking clue.
You’d think that understanding some of our gender variants would be easier. Unfortunately, it isn’t even remotely simple, which is kind of surprising. Especially when you consider the one thing I’ve found most amusing about this little experiment of ours is just how similarly each side of the fence thinks.
To be honest, ridiculous contrast would be amazing! Ending a question with ‘oh… I do xyz too’ just isn’t as exciting. Although it’s a pretty good excuse to drink wine and talk rubbish. Yet over and over as answers keep rolling in, that’s how more of these conversations end.
So why is it that we’re so similar and yet so different? Is it because chemically we just work from different angles? That we use a roundabout where they use an intersection? Is it a different set of priorities that shifts the way we see something? Because ultimately we all end up at the same place one way or another.
The other side of this conversation concluded that clearly not all men think one particular way and not all women feel the same way about things. She believes that there are people of the opposite sex that simply make more sense to us as individuals than others ever will.
That is why generalisations are dangerous and can lead to missed opportunities. We should assume less, communicate more and be braver.
It shouldn’t come as any surprise, that we agree on that…again.
Well, with any luck some more of these will highlight at least those small differences. Or at best give someone an insight into how at least one of us thinks (or doesn’t).
Do you look down on a bloke who accepts and admits fear? Ie: fear of heights especially when you do not have the fear yourself?
Claudia: Absolutely not, your fear is your fear and even if I don’t share that particular one I can guarantee you that everyone is afraid of something. Just so you know, when I am freaking out over a spider you better shield me from it and get rid of it without a stupid smirk on your face…my fear is my fear.
Colin: I guess what we want to know is if, from a woman’s point of view, there is room for fear in her minds image of masculinity ?
Claudia: Yes. Well there is for me. You do know fears doesn’t discriminate?
Colin: Fears don’t discriminate but people do.
Claudia: I guess that I have never thought of it that way. I mean why couldn’t a man be afraid of things? I discovered that I wasn’t afraid of heights when I jumped out of a plane, but there are huge burly men who are terrified of heights. How could I think less of a man who is afraid of heights when the tiniest little spider will the scare the living daylights out of me? I won’t laugh at yours if you don’t laugh at mine.
Do you think there’s an age your man should give up video games?
Claudia: An age? No. I think you should stop doing things when you no longer enjoy doing them. If you are being asked to stop playing video games that might have more to do with your partner wanting to spend more time with you or needing a hand. Personally I would be using the time to do my own thing. Think of all the writing, book reading, chatting with my friends time his game time represents – let him play !
Colin: Men play games for the story and the escape from life really. In the same way that people watch movies or read books. There’s no set date that you need to give it up I don’t think. Only if it becomes destructive to the relationship.
Who has been your most important female / male influence?
Colin: As much as I would love to say something like Batman, but the reality is a whole lot cheesier , yeah I can already hear you laughing and screaming ‘mummas boy!’ – But it’s gotta be my mum. She showed me, along with dad, just what the meaning of hard work is. They were always working, pursuing their hobbies, working, travelling, working, chilling. Together they’re amazing, and I don’t know anyone who’s worked as hard as them. But mum, maaaaaan, she taught me what kind of tough son of a bitch someone can be. That woman would tear the arms off anyone looking at her family wrong. She always seemed to try to teach me, do what you want, but you break it you bought it. And don’t take shit from anyone. If you can’t make’em stop, point me in their direction.
Claudia: Wow you’re right that was super cheesy, a parent…really? So yeah I would have to say mine was my Dad. In all seriousness he showed me what it meant to be brave. He was always vocal about how he felt about things. Never rude or disrespectful to others. Dad showed compassion, always put people first and wasn’t at all materialistic. He treated his friends like family and his family as if we are part of him. His relationship with my mother set a beautiful example for us. If I am ever blessed with kids and I really hope I get that privilege, I hope their father is every bit the man/husband/father/teacher/mentor/friend my dad was. (Yeah so Mr Right – no pressure or anything)
How do guys know (or think they know) when to make a move and how is it that more often than not they get it completely wrong? What coaching do guys get on how to the read the signs? Who provides the coaching? Mum? Dad? Buddies?
Colin: Really this all comes down to personality. Some guys can happily jump out there and make a move on any girl they see. Others, like myself are completely inept. None of us get any kind of coaching, nor do we get it right half of the time. I think naturally we just assume that a woman is being flirty isn’t actually interested in anything. So we see the problem of not knowing when to push the boundary just in case they’re just being friendly. Why not just tell a bloke you’re interested and take the guesswork out of it for everyone involved?
Claudia: Hold up, you are saying we are all ‘flirty’…??
Colin: Nonononono not even remotely, just that a flirty girl will be mistaken for someone just friendly by some of us.
Claudia: Hmm I wish I were brave enough to just, as you say ‘tell a bloke’, but self-preservation kicks in and I normally just don’t. It’s an issue I am working on. I’ve probably missed a million opportunities and why most people do. Some women are very comfortable putting themselves out there but generally I feel men are a lot braver in this respect.
Who is better at keeping secrets, men or women?
Colin: I going to answer this by saying that I’ve never once heard a bloke sneakily whisper in a high pitched voice “oh my god, oh my god, oh my god – you didn’t hear it from me – but you’ll never guess what Katy told me!”….. Just saying…
Claudia: *eye roll*
Colin: Even your eye roll screams ‘secret nuclear launch codes’
When is an attractive person not attractive?
Claudia: When he is an ass to other people. It doesn’t matter if you treat me like a princess if at the same time you are being a dick to the waitress. When you do things like that I look at you and can actually see my libido threaten to throw itself down the Iguazu Falls if I ever touch you again. You should know I don’t think your mother even likes you right now!
Colin: When they have a cigarette in their mouth…
Claudia: That was a short answer, care to elaborate?
Colin: I’m not sure how much more I can elaborate… but I’ll say this. In my book, attractive people don’t smoke and aren’t assholes. I’m not sure if those things insight suicidal libido syndrome, however they certainly have me shaking my fist and screaming ‘whhhyyyyy????’ As they go from way up there, to way down here in my books.
Are men innately programmed to cheat?
Colin: What?! No! Why?? That’s a crazy idea. Why would women even think this?
Claudia: I think we’ve talked about this before, it’s because when a guy cheats on you people say that ‘It’s a guy thing’ ‘They all do it’. Like they can’t help themselves. Personally I don’t believe that, I know enough good men to know this isn’t a ‘Case of the Uncontrollable Male Urge’. Also if it’s a ‘guy thing’ why do women do it too?
Simply put it’s a cop out. There are men and there are assholes.
Colin: This is pretty much the truth of it. Any guy who uses the weak ass excuse that ‘it’s a guy thing’ is making the rest of us look bad. Essentially just hiding his own weakness and insecurity behind the rest of us and making us look bad. Seriously, if you’re going to be a dick about it, do it on your own dime. Don’t drag the rest of us down with you and your stupid decisions.
First thing you notice about a woman / man?
Colin: Provided you’re meaning a girl I’m attracted to? Eyes and the neck, right under the ear.
Claudia: Physically? I am always drawn to a good smile. Kind eyes and strong hands. If we are talking nonphysical, it would be sense of humour. If you can make me laugh you are 80% there.
The friend zone, do men fear it?
Colin: To be honest, I don’t think it actually exists. I think the only reason why it exists is because, some guys and gals, can’t gather the stones to actually tell someone how they feel. So the make up the idea of this zone to make themselves feel better and pretend that it’s the other person doing it to them, when really it’s their own lack of initiative and self-confidence with the situation. They’re probably also hiding from the truth, that the other person likely isnt’ actually interested in them. Ask and you shall find you answers. Don’t ask and blame someone else.
Claudia: I dislike the term friend zone; it reminds me of the phantom zone which incidentally also does not exist. Some of the world’s best relationships, solid relationships are founded on a strong friendship. Annoyingly yet again I agree with Colin. If you want more, stop treating your friend like a ‘buddy’ (don’t fist bump her) and use your words.
What do Men/Women consider cheating? Physical or Emotional cheating, which is worse?
Colin: To be honest, emotional cheating is still cheating to me and it’s probably the worst but neither of them are insurmountable in my books, once that trust is broken I’d have a really tough time going back. I’ve been cheated on before, and mates (both of the male and female persuasion) who have been cheated on at the same time I don’t really think that men think of cheating any differently to women.
If you have feelings for someone else, or you’re boffing someone else, then you really need to grow up and take control of yourself and have the courage to break up with the person.
I actually kind of feel sorry for the people who do it unintentionally. I know someone who was in that position, and it tears them up. I really don’t know where to go in that situation. But those others who are malicious about it and intentionally go out to home wreck or get a bit on the side… I wouldn’t piss on them if they were on fire.
Claudia: Unintentional cheating? Like they slipped and fell??
Colin: Ha ha no, just sort of started having feelings for someone, they didn’t want to, in fact they swore they wished they didn’t. They were single, the other person was in a relationship. Things got pretty close to crossing the line, but didn’t. So they controlled it, but I kind of felt for them, they were really upset that a part of themselves was pushing them toward it
Claudia: I can understand not wanting to have feelings for someone, sometimes they creep up on you. I tend to distance myself when I realize it is happening. Stop looking at something that you can’t have does wonders in terms of cutting off a developing fixation. Your answer is interesting though, studies show men mostly consider physical cheating, cheating and are more likely to forgive emotional cheating. Where women are the other way around.
Colin: You’re saying I’m a woman?
Claudia: Noooo not me, but the internet says you are. My view, in a nutshell, is physical or emotional cheating is cheating. The consequences of both are just as painful. Basically you took the words right out of my mouth.
Colin: Ha Ha, well I have a habit of doing that. Taking words… Not cheating.
PMS and its effects on life.
Colin: PMS…PMS…You mean…Pass My Shotgun? Oh, or do you mean Pleasure Me Swiftly?
Claudia: Please Man Shush!
Colin: Pick My Schonzz?
Claudia: Potential Murder Suspect…
Colin: Poor Man’s Shoes?
Claudia: Lets go with Premenstrual Syndrome…
Colin: Well, I’ll tell you one thing, I live with two women… and damn… some of the things they come out with while they’re ‘afflicted'(?) is nuts! Tears, all kinds of other problems aches etc I just make myself scarce, they know how to deal with it best. Got yourself a missus though?
Blokes, man up and look after her. The woman is about to SHED A UTERUS!
You are probably glad that it means there’s no bun in the oven! If she’s in a shitty mood, shrug it off. I’d be pretty grumpy if I was crampy and bleeding from my bits and pieces too.
Claudia: So much is going. It affects us all differently in fact some women have no symptoms at all. Others well we do. Not sure men really want to know!
Colin: The stuff that my housemates come out with is probably worse. One keeps running around the house talking about how crampy she is that she can’t poop and has a break down every other minute. My other housemate is pretty solid .
Claudia: Ok… well luckily there a few signs before the impending monthly crime scene. They range from breast sensitivity to intense food cravings. 10 – 14 days before the crimson tide men become super attractive for a slight moment there. I guess when we are ovulating our bodies are like ok, now is the time Marvin Gaye.
Colin: Ha ha ‘slight moment’. It’s not like we’re all sexy or anything. Just a little bit, under the right circumstances…when I’m about to….oh nope, okay not anymore
Claudia: No obviously we find you guys attractive but 10 days before it’s like you’re all … chocolate…
Colin: You take a second look at them, hear them laugh like ‘uh-hyuk’ and realise… damn them hormones are out to get me. lmao
Claudia: Yeah sometimes but luckily that passes. After that we are annoyed.
Colin: Annoyed that you found us attractive?
Claudia: Ha ha. No just at everything. PMS is not fun, cramps are painful! Imagine you are being repeatedly punched in the nuts and people don’t notice. Instead they are like ‘hey what’s wrong with you, just pass the salt like a normal person.’ If that is not enough, *trumpet sounds* enter the dreaded bloat. You go up a dress size and emotions multiply by a 600% and you don’t know why. Even when you do. You’re sad and boys are stupid unless they offer back rubs, chocolate and hot water bottles then they are the best thing EVER. And you cry out of happiness. Ha ha…Yeah PMS
Colin: …and we wonder why more women aren’t murderers?
Claudia: Ha …. Can you imagine if men had periods? There would be more men in prison than free.
Colin: Man flu is bad enough, don’t wish uteru… uterusses?… uteri? – on us
12: Deal breakers. What drives women / men away?
Claudia: I really can’t speak for all women on this one because we are all so different. Women will put up with a lot of things especially if there are children involved.
Deal breakers for me are 1. Lies, I can’t build anything long-term with someone I don’t trust. 2. Physical / psychological abuse, I won’t do it and I certainly won’t stand for it. The moment he lifts his hand against me is the moment he lost me. 3. Control issues, understand that I have my own mind and I know who I am. I don’t believe losing myself in someone is the price that must be paid for true intimacy. I believe what all women want is a real partner in life and love – Not a jailer , dictator or micromanager.
Colin: You’ve got a remarkably short and concise list. Nicely done… kinda wish I was in the same boat as I’ve been accused of having too many deal breakers…. Essentially I’m looking for the Brisbane Unicorn apparently.
Claudia: Well, cheating goes under Lies, Abuse covers an array of deal breakers if you think about it.
Colin: I suppose, a short version of my list: 1. Smoker 2. Unemployment – Deal breaker 3. If they have the intelligence of a slightly bent spoon being run under hot water – deal broken. 4. Prissy, demanding to be treated like a princess instead of a woman – deal broken. 5. Facial piercings 6. If they take themselves too seriously. 7. Still living at home with their parents.
Claudia: I feel like when you say Unicorn, it doesn’t mean what you think it means.
13: Why can’t men just say what they feel? Do they think we can read minds? Don’t they realize we are too busy being awesome to spend time developing super powers?
Colin: I think ultimately guys don’t often say how the feel because we’re brought up not too.
We’re told to be strong and silent, just endure, tough it out – and don’t you even think about crying.
In a way I can understand trying to impart a ‘toughness’, although it does leave some blokes emotionally crippled. Being blamed for not coming out of our shells or not saying what we feel only pushes us further down. Encourage a bloke to say not only how it is, but how it’s felt. You’ll be surprised with what we come out with.
Claudia: It is crazy to me that saying how you feel is viewed as a weakness. Speaking your mind is powerful. A man who knows what he wants/needs and is not afraid to put it to words is a sign of maturity in my view.
Colin: As it should be, mind you I had some solid discussions with my housemates in the hallway last night (you know who you are…) and the level of fury coming forth from my mouth at ‘TELL XYZ WHAT YOU’RE THINKING!!’ Was right up there. So guys aren’t the only ones that have this problem… so you know.
14: Why do women pick on each other so much about clothing etc? Seriously women put each other down far more than men ever do.
Claudia: I can’t deny that some young girls pick on each other more than they should, I believe it probably has a lot to do with age and peer pressure. Women however are not generally like that. We might bluntly let our friend know when something doesn’t suit her but we will just as quickly let her know every time she nails it. I have a beautiful group of friends and tearing each other down is just not our thing.
Colin: Maybe its just the media then, the number of times I’ve seen it happen is pretty surprising. Trash talking outfits and what not (even in news articles which is just as baffling). I think more to the real concern is how much they do it behind someones back. It can get pretty nasty.
15: What is your favourite part of a cupcake?
Claudia: Cupcake tops are where it’s at. I am happy to donate the rest to the unfortunate tastebudless people of the world.
Colin: I’ll take a cut down the middle thanks!
Claudia: What? Answer the question. Your honour permission to treat the witness as hostile?
Colin: What? I am not …how is that hostile?
Claudia: A cut down the middle is not a part. You basically just said you want half a cupcake? OH wait…Do you mean…. you would touch the whole cupcake, eat its heart out and throw the rest away? …MEN! ha ha ha
Colin: What? (Reader please note that was a high-pitched What?) No!?? Ha ha and half a cupcake is part of a cupcake!
Claudia: It’s not a PART of the cupcake –half it’s a quantity!
Colin: That’s what we want, half. A little from the top and a little for the bottom.
Claudia: …Maybe I should blog about cupcakes?
Colin: Well you probably could – How is love like a Cupcake? Men would like it down the middle…
Claudia: They just want half of you, they don’t want all of you…
Colin: Which is kind of fair? We want the best of both worlds. We want that bit at the top and we want that bit down the bottom…
Claudia: Oh my god…
Colin: I am not going to deny it!
Claudia: I feel like we are on completely different pages on this one! And therefore we finally disagree, why does this make me so happy???
Colin: You’re so wrong BTW
Claudia: Ahh no!
Colin: Taking the half down the middle means we want to share the good bits and the bad bits
Claudia: You should want the WHOLE cupcake, just as the cupcake is.
Colin: The muffin top is always the lightest fluffiest bits, the more fun, the choc chip bits.
Claudia: I was talking about a REAL cupcake
Colin: Then we want the dense often drier, not as flavourful bits too
Claudia: ha ha
Colin: We want all the good and the bad bits, down the middle, so we can share them!
Claudia: Let the record show that I KNOW you meant boobs and bottom bits when you were taking about a bit from the bottom and a bit from the top..
Colin: You can’t steal the whole muffin, you got to share it. Maybe microwave it and slather a bit of butter on there occasionally to keep things hot.
Claudia: Maybe the muffin doesn’t want to be shared.
Colin: Maybe spread jam on the half, try new things with your muffin
Claudia: Well, that does sound nice
Colin: It’s not about sharing the muffin, it’s about allowing the muffin to live their own life, you should always keep at least 50% of yourself in a relationship.
Claudia: Yeah…I am going to go now because I’m starting to agree with you and you just ruined that ONE question that we FINALLY disagreed on. I hope you’re happy with yourself!
Colin: Muahahahahahahahaha Damn I’m good.
We hope we shared some light! Let us know where you agreed or disagreed, comments feed our soul.
If you missed Part 1 here it is: He Says, She Says – Part 1
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