A few weeks ago a friend and I wined and skyped, can I say this is perfect and we should all be doing more of this. You don’t have to get dressed up, you don’t need to venture outdoors and you get all the benefits of catching up without having to share your Wine.
None of which is the point to this story…During our catch up she told me about a guy she met at work that she had feelings for but she would never date.
She didn’t straight out tell me, first she told me every little ‘cute’ thing he did for the last six months and so I called her on it.
‘Ok, so what’s wrong with him?’
‘He is just not who I imagine I will end up with’
If I had a dollar for the amount of times I have had friends utter these words in my life time, I’d have at least $9.00!
I like to call this brandaholisim. This guy didn’t fit the image in her head of who she would end up with so mentally she discarded him. Scrunched the idea of ‘him and her’ like a shitty draft and threw it in the waste paper basket.
People do this all the time, we have an ideal partner in mind and anyone who doesn’t come wrapped in the expected packaging is deemed not to be the ONE.
We are all guilty of doing it, please don’t pretend to have never said a variation of
‘Oh no he is too tall/short’
‘No, I’m really not into *insert ethnicity* looking guys’
‘Oh I couldn’t see myself with a red head / or a bald guy.’
‘No, I couldn’t go near him without saying ‘My what big ears you have’…’
We are attracted to certain type of people and that’s fine, normal even but I feel that it is such a mistake that we rarely give a second look to others.
The external stuff is just the wrapper and lets face it some people have exceptional marketing skills. They have all the right abs, they flex all the right muscles and glitter even comes out of their …. well you know what I mean.
This is why they win the Pick of the People Prize Award. They are eye catching, well branded and so you buy into it which is it’s the whole purpose of the wrapper. The wrapper is the lure and as amazing as the wrapper is, you’re not guaranteed that it reflects what is on the inside.
When you buy something and take it home eventually everything comes out and what you are left to deal with, what you’re stuck with, is its contents.
That’s why you hear over and over again that it is what’s on the inside that counts.
I am not stupid enough to say that the wrapper isn’t important. One look at nature and you can see that so many things were made to catch the eye. We don’t need to see in an insane amount of colours but how boring would life be if we only saw in black and white?
Attraction is something we count on; we feel there is a decent chance of something magical happening if we like what we see straight away.
The ugly truth is what you first see is never all of it. He might take a great picture and you two might look cute as hell on Instagram, heck he might even fit perfectly the fairy-tale image in your mind but that doesn’t make him the (right) one.
‘Your eyes can deceive you, don’t trust them’ Obi Wan
Nothing can hide the fact that a beautiful person is only truly beautiful if they are a good person. The rest is smoke and mirrors, an illusion.
When the illusion starts to fade and you look over at the person next to you, the way they make you feel, how much they care for you, the way they make you smile and the support and encouragement they offer is all you will see. Nothing else will really matter.
You want someone you can connect with and that guy might not be sitting on the shelf at eye level with POS pointing at him.
He might not be your obvious choice but if there is a connection he might be everything you never knew you always wanted.
I am not saying ignore physical attraction, I am just saying we shouldn’t be so quick to discard heart/soul/mind attractions.
I am certainly not saying aim lower but I am saying you should be aiming a little deeper than face value.
Happily, my friend woke up to herself, I’d like to think it was my passionate (wine) advice on the topic but I think it was probably more the case that she already liked him in spite of herself.
I smiled widely when I saw a very nice profile picture with her and this guy, sure he has a larger nose that I anticipated before giving her my advice but what I really couldn’t get over was their beaming smiles.
A wrapper is just a wrapper. It’s what’s on the inside that counts.